Back to my point, I got married young, and had my sweet Logan young. Having a child and being married at 23 was a big thing, I didn't even know how big of a deal it was back then, only now as I look back am I amazed that I started so young. When I was a new mom just starting out everything I did, everything I thought, was about or for the baby. In the car we listened to kid music, at home we listened to kid music, read kid books, ate kid friendly food, kept house like a mad woman, not a speck of dirt anywhere, most of my conversations were based on or around my little kidlett. With my second and third child I continued this habit, and before I knew I turned around and realized everything that was unique and wonderful about me was no longer present. I couldn't tell you the last time I had read a book for myself, or the last time I shopped for clothes in the style I love rather than what I thought mothers should wear. Listening to my kind of music? Unheard of. What happened to the carefree girl who blasted the Beatles with the windows open as she cleaned her clean-yet-pleasantly-lived-in and slightly cluttered home? What happened to the girl who loved wearing dresses and flip flops all summer long? what happened to the girl who laughed all of the time, who liked sitting at home on a Friday night with my sweetie and some treats and watching a movie? ( OK we still did that, but it was because it was all we could do with kids, it is different when you have no choice right?) I think you get my point. I was now a mother, and in the midst of this I was no longer Michelle.
we all change when we become mommies, and that is not a bad thing. But what is too much? Is there a set line that once you cross it you are no longer yourself? Can't we change from Motherless women to full blown Mothers without giving up those things that made us us?
A Year or so ago I was out and about and saw a dress I loved, I thought " I totally would have worn that before I had kids" the thought stopped me short. why did having kids matter? It was still a flattering style I knew I could pull it off, why didn't I wear what I loved? It hit me that I had stopped dressing the way I loved because I was to busy dressing my kids. Once the gates were open the realizations just wouldn't stop..... " I don't eat the food I like anymore, I don't read the books I like anymore, I don't dress the way I like anymore,I don't listen to music I like anymore, I don't keep my house the way I loved keeping it anymore."
I HAD HAD AN EPIPHANY!
I felt like a new woman, I started pulling things out of my closet I used to love that I hadn't worn in forever because it was different than what other moms wore, I started listening to my music in the car ( P.s my kids are now in love with classic rock, way better than the Wiggles I must say ). I started relaxing on the housework and letting my home feel comfortable and lived in. I started reading books for my enjoyment. In other words,
I RECLAIMED MYSELF.
The other day my sister said " I like what your wearing, you have been looking and acting more like the old Michelle lately, It suits you better, Its nice to have you back "
It is nice to have me back! A new and improved me, a me that is a mother and wife first, but still me. I realized the greatest gift I could give my family is to raise them and love them but to do it in my way. Michelle's way. I don't need to be a Stepford mom. I need to be me. Whats wrong with that?
I'm starting to think that this is how all the successful happy mothers do it, by doing it their own way with their own personalities, and not apologizing or feeling bad for letting their freak flag fly ( everyone has one, don't deny it, even if what makes you a freak is simply that you are absolutely normal, never fear, that makes you a freak)
I was a young married mom, and now I am a middle aged married mom. And it has taken me this long to rediscover and re-fall in love with myself
My kids now know and love the real me, and I couldn't ask for anything more satisfying.